This past week in the United States we had one of the biggest holidays of the year that's called Thanksgiving, and I spent most of the week feeling so thankful for so many things in my life. It's really just this time to rest and reflect and think about everything that's happened this year. It was a restful time for me because I didn't spend it with my family. I spent it at home by myself.
I’m so thankful
A lot of years I feel really sad during the holidays because I spend a lot of them by myself. But this year I wasn't really sad. I really feel better than I’ve felt in a long time, and it was just so nice to enjoy five days off where I could just do whatever I wanted. And I spent most of the time resting. I had this huge to-do list that was like five pages long, and I think I accomplished all of nothing on the list, but I'm not beating myself up over it. I'm just so thankful for the time that I could rest and recoup.
New Year's resolutions
And I actually have been thinking a lot about New Year's resolutions. This is such a big thing for me. I think that because we, as INFJs, we’re such big planners. We like to focus on the future. So as much as I tried to enjoy the holiday that was happening right now, I'm also looking forward to next year.
I always get wrapped up in New Year's resolutions because there's so much stuff in my life that I know I can improve and I want it to be better. So I focus on New Year's a lot to make those changes. It seems crazy to me that it's been almost three years ago that I started my blog. It'll be three years in December, the end of December, and it doesn't seem like it's been that long. But my blog was a New Year's resolution for me, and it was one of the few that I've actually kept for that long.
And it's kind of a celebration for me. But then it's also proof for me that I can commit to a New Year's resolution and keep it and that I can make a big change in my life and have it stick. So I've been thinking a lot about that and part of the reason that I do my blog. I mean, the majority of the reason that I have my blog and my podcast is because I want to help you.
I want to help you
I learned so much about myself, and I'm still continuing to learn so much about myself, and I want to share all of that information with you. One of the big things that INFJs struggle with, something that I struggled with for a long time, is finding your purpose in life. And so today I want to share with you a master class that I did. It's been a while ago that I did it, but it's all about finding your purpose and figuring out what the thing is that you're supposed to do. And I know that it's a great master class that's packed full of information, and that's why I wanted to share it with you. So I hope that you enjoy it, and I hope that it can help to set you up for some of your New Year's resolutions, maybe some of the big changes that you want to make in your life next year. So let's take a listen.
Purpose masterclass
Hi there. Welcome. I am so glad to be able to do this master class tonight. I can't wait to share all this information with you guys, so glad that everyone can be here. We're just going to wait for just a little bit, a minute or two, maybe make sure that everybody is able to join. And I'm going to check to see one more time if we have any more members. So while we're waiting, just let me know in the comments where you're from and we'll get started here pretty quick, just in case you guys don't know me.
Well, I'm from the Midwest, but I live in Boston now, and we had, like, a false fall. It was like in the 60s for a week, and then it shot back up to the 80s, and I was like, I really want it to be fall. I'm so ready. I don't like summer at all. It's not my season. All right. I think we have one more person that might want to join here. Okay. All right. So let's go ahead and get started. And anybody else who joins will just have to catch up.
So tonight we are talking all about how to find your purpose. And like I said, I'm so excited to be able to share this information with you. It's helped me so much, and I'm positive that it will help you as well.
Oh, there is a worksheet and I forgot to post it, but I will post it right after the class or the master class. But I did want to let you know that from me, what to expect. I will try to keep this as short and sweet as possible. I have a lot of information that I want to share with you guys, though, and I definitely want you to walk away from this knowing that you got the most out of your time, right?
What I need from you is focus. I know that we're all a bunch of multitaskers. If you're anything like me, you're probably looking at your phone and have 25 tabs open on your computer. So the information that I'm sharing with you tonight, it works best if you can focus and stick with me, maybe have a notebook and a pen or pencil. There's probably a lot that there's a lot to take in for sure. And if you stay with me until the end, there's a very special bonus that I have for everyone.
All right. So just a little bit about me to get started. This is me. My name is Sarah Kuhn. I write a blog called INFJ Woman. I write another one about business. That is Sarahkuhn.co. I have a podcast that was about INFJs, and now it's about business. I'm also a writer and a coach, and I teach courses as well.
So a big question is, why should you trust me? Right? That's the first thing that I think about every time that I sign up for somebody else's master class. That's what I want to know.
Well, the first reason is that I'm an INFJ, just like you. I'm introverted, intuitive. I've had all of the same questions that you have about not knowing what your purpose is in this world and feeling like you're lost and confused and wanting to have meaning and to help people and just not knowing where to turn. So I've been through this whole process. I found the answer. I know what the answer is and everything that I'm going to share with you tonight is what has helped me and what helps my coaching clients as well. It's helped a lot of other people as well, so I'm positive that it can help you, too.
I'm going to start tonight with a really bold statement. Okay. You came here tonight looking for purpose in your life, right. But I'm positive that you already know exactly what your purpose is. Now, I know that sounds like it's a really bold statement, right? It probably sounds pretty crazy, but I promise if you stick with me, I'll explain the whole thing and give you lots and lots of tips to get you going in the right direction.
You're not lost
For the longest time in my life ever since I can remember, I felt lost, like I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what decision to make or which direction to go. So I want to reassure you right from the start that you're not lost. You're not lost, even if you don't know where to start. If you have a ton of ideas and you can't narrow it down if you have no ideas at all, or you feel like you're just not good at anything like you don't have any talents to share, you're also not lost. If everyone around you seems like they're doing exactly what they're supposed to be doing, and you're still like, I don't know what to do.
Why am I the only one who feels like I'm lost, right? I promise you you're still not lost. You're also not lost if you feel like you don't have enough money or time or knowledge or education to do what you want to do.
I also want to reassure you that your purpose isn't lost either. I used to worry that I would miss my boat. I felt like if I wasn't in the right place at the right time, that it would just go sailing past me and I would just be lost forever. And there were a lot of days where I was like, you know what? I think it's already gone. I think that maybe I was asleep or just not paying attention because I shouldn't be this old and still be lost. Right. So I want to reassure you that you can't miss your boat. That's not how it works. What's meant for you will find you regardless of how old you are or where you're at in life.
Your purpose isn't lost, and you can't choose the wrong thing either. That was another one of my big fears. I wanted to have all of the planning and know that I was doing the right thing and choosing the right decision because I didn't want to waste any of my time. But I promise you, that's not the case either. You can't miss your boat. It was made exactly for you, and you can't skip steps either, no matter how much planning you do, no matter how much time or effort you put into it, you will learn everything that you're supposed to in the right time for you.
So another thing that I want to do as we get started is to set down these labels. We have this tendency to place labels on ourselves and on the decisions that we make about how some of them are right and some of them are wrong. But what's funny is when you let go of that label of right or wrong, then you also let go of the worry of making a decision right, because you don't have a right or wrong decision. You just have option one or option two or option three, and it feels a lot easier to choose one of those things when you're not worried about it being right or wrong.
So the big question is, what do you want to do now? All of these questions are really intense questions. And like I said, there will be a worksheet that I'm going to post in the group so that all of you can have it and it'll have all these questions on there so you can go through them with as much time that you need to be able to go through them because they're all pretty intense questions. Right.
What do you want to do every single day?
But I really want you to sit down and take some time to think about not only what do you want, but what do you want your day-to-day life to look like? What do you want to do every single day, minute by minute? If you could do anything in the world, what would it be? But it's also as important to think about what do you not want to do?
So one of the things that I always thought that I wanted to do was to be like a College Professor. I loved being in College, and I just kind of had this idea that if I could turn into a College Professor, then I could just always stay in College. And instead of having to pay to be there, people would pay me to be there, right? But as an introvert, one of the things that I hate doing the most is standing up in front of a group of people and talking to them. So when I wrote down my list of what do I not want to do. I wrote down: I don't want to talk to a bunch of people in person every single day. That sounds horrible to me. So obviously, being a College Professor may not be the best job for me right now.
We're also going to talk about fear for sure because sometimes it's fear that holds you back. But sometimes it's just preference, right? And you can know that you want to be a teacher and realize that there are other ways for you to teach where you wouldn't have to face that fear every single day. So think about what you don't want to do.
Think about what gifts do you have to share with the world? What are you really good at? What do you have a lot of experience doing? All of these questions will just help get you thinking about different things that you could do. What do people ask you about the most? What kind of advice do you give people? What do you feel confident doing?
And then the last one is also really important. Once you look at this list, what kind of fears do you have about the things that are on this list? What are you afraid to write down? Because you're not sure that you'll be good enough at it. We talked about wanting to make the right decision and this idea, it stops us from taking action. Right? We get stuck in planning mode, and we seem to just come back to the same decisions that we've always made regardless of what we want to do. We just stick with what we've always done. Kind of like feeling like you're in a rut.
So let's explore this process a little bit more because we do it not only with our purpose, not only with our life decisions, but in so many other decisions that we make every single day as well. So our minds process about 700 thoughts per day. And the conscious part of our mind really only accounts for about 10% of that activity happening. That means that 90% of the thoughts that we think are controlled by our subconscious mind. And the subconscious mind is just kind of like - it's a habit. It doesn't have a filter to monitor these decisions that it makes. It's just on autopilot. It's just something that you've been doing. So you just keep doing it over and over and over again. Right?
Subscription to the same ol thing
So I'll give you an example that I'm sure all of us have seen, if not done. Have you ever seen those subscriptions on Amazon? You can sign up for a subscription where you can go in there and buy a case of toilet paper. And usually, when it says, Add it to your cart, it'll ask you, do you want this to be a subscription, or do you just want to buy it once and a subscription sounds great, right? Because they give you a little bit of a discount and then it shows up at your front door at the same time every single month and you don't even have to think about it.
But what happens is what if you don't use a whole case of toilet paper every month and it starts to stack up at your house? If you only use half a case or even a fourth of a case, now you have a problem because you have tons of toilet paper. So you actually have to make an effort to sit down at your computer or grab your phone and tell Amazon that you don't need toilet paper anymore, or at least not that often. Right? You have to go through a process of going on their website and finding your subscription and saying, no, stop sending me toilet paper. I already have, like, four cases I don't need anymore.
So it's the same thing with our minds. If you have something in your life that you want to change, but you can't seem to change it. If you always just keep falling back into what you used to do, then you have a subconscious thought pattern that needs to change. So those subconscious thought patterns, they come from our everyday lives. They come from how we've grown up. You collect information through your subconscious, a lot of it you don't even know about. And it's a collection of everything that you've ever processed since you were born.
This is especially true for us as intuitive introverts because we notice everything, we soak up other people's feelings and emotions. And we have all of those cataloged in our mind, even though we're not accessing them all the time, they're all still there, and they all still affect us. We take things that people say to us and about us straight to heart. The moment that you're told you're too fat to be a model, it's just instant in your head that that's a truth. Maybe you've been told that a hundred times. Maybe you've been told that since you were really young. You just believe it because that's what your subconscious mind has told you to believe.
The belief that you're not a writer because you're not good at spelling. That's the truth. That's just the automatic reaction that you have. The belief that you'll never have enough money because your parents were constantly telling you that they don't have enough money. That must be true, too. These are stories that were told from when we're young and we just continue to tell ourselves these stories now.
We all have expectations
We all have expectations that are placed on us from our families, whether they're good expectations or bad. We all have them. Ever since you were born, your family has been telling you what they want from you, right? For some people, it's a direct message my dad told me for as long as I can remember, you have to go to college. And so it was drilled in my head. I have to go to college, and I knew that I was going to finish college because my dad always told me, you have to go to College. It's not an option you have to go.
A lot of parents will tell their kids you have to be in a certain job, maybe there's a family career, maybe everybody in your family is a doctor. So there's just that expectation that you're going to be a doctor or a lawyer. So for some people, it's very direct. But for other people, it's not as direct, but the message is still there.
You pick up all of these expectations, and most of them come from the people who are most important to us, right? Like your family, teachers, coaches, anyone who's important to you.
For us, as INFJs, what other people think about us is way more important than what we think. That comes from that extroverted feeling that we have. So we get stuck in between what we want, what we feel like we should do, and what everyone else wants or thinks that we should do. If you're anything like me, when you have an important decision to make, you go around and ask everybody what they think. I'm really good at doing that. I usually take a poll, and sometimes I get really professional about it. I have, like, a notebook and I write down all of my friends and family's names, and I'll ask them either directly or nonchalantly what they think. And I secretly have this poll, and I'm like, I have to know what everybody else thinks before I decide what I'm going to do, right, because I don't want to disappoint them. I don't want to let them down.
But we also have expectations from ourselves. You have something that you've always thought about yourself, that you've always thought that you should do or that you always want to do. For me, I wanted to be an engineer. I got this idea in my head when I was in high school that I wanted to be an engineer, and I just drilled it into my head, and I told everybody so I had expectations of myself. And then everybody else had expectations because I just was relentless about I'm going to be an engineer. And so I went to college, and I studied engineering, and it got really hard. And I was like, I don't know if I want to do this. And my mom's like, Well, that's okay. You don't have to do it. You can study something else.
So I studied business, and then I studied criminal justice, and I graduated with a college degree in criminal justice. And I still had that expectation that I was supposed to be an engineer. So I went back to school and studied engineering for a couple of more years. And I actually left school with three-fourths of an engineering degree. Just because I had that expectation. I wanted to be an engineer, even though I hated it. And some people ask me now when I tell them I have three, four of an engineering degree. They're like, Well, why don't you go back and finish it? And sometimes that expectation starts creeping back up, and I'm like, oh, I should go finish it, shouldn't I? And there's like, this little war in my head that's like, no, wait a minute. I don't really want to be an engineer anymore, and I don't need to waste any more time. So thankfully, I was able to set that down. But sometimes it still creeps back up at times it does.
Assumed truths
So you have these expectations of yourself, what you've always wanted and how you think that your life should be right. And what happens is these turn into assumed truth. These are subconscious thoughts and expectations that run in the background of your mind. And a lot of times they'll show up as indecision. You don't know what to do, because in your head, you're warring between what you feel like you should do or what you've always thought that you would do and what you really want to do. They also show up as failed relationships and failed careers again, because if it's like me, I told everybody I wanted to be an engineer, and if I would have graduated and been an engineer and then realized that I didn't like it, I would have been miserable in that job, right?
They also show up as unrealized dreams because you spend time chasing after something that you've always thought you were going to do. But you realize it's not right for you now. But there is another dream that you have that you want to do, but you feel like you can't. And a lot of times that causes a lot of stress and panic because you start realizing that the days are long, but the years are short, right? You start getting to a certain age and you're like, I don't have as much time as I thought. And I've spent all this time trying to be an engineer. But I really wanted to be a writer. And what if that never happens? So all of these things keep us from taking action on what we really want to do.
Separate yourselves from expectations
So how do you fix the problem? I'm sure that's what you want to know. Well, the first thing is you have to separate yourselves from those expectations. And I know that is a whole lot harder said than done. But now that you recognize what's going on, it's a whole lot easier to be able to catch yourself in those times and say, you know what? It's okay if I told everybody that I was going to be an engineer, I really don't want to be an engineer. And I can tell them now that I'm going to be a writer because I like, that a lot better. And if they don't like that, that's okay. They'll get over it.
So you have to separate yourself from those expectations. And when you do that, you create space in your conscious mind to make a decision rather than just letting your subconscious mind or your autopilot keep making the same decision over and over again.
So how do you do that in the moment? One of the best things that I have found is there's a book by a lady named Mel Robbins, who I absolutely love. She has something that she calls the five-second rule. So she says that your brain is programmed to make these autopilot decisions. And in order for you to stop it, you have to catch yourself and you have 5 seconds to do something different. So when you find yourself reverting back to that same decision that you've always made, then you just say to yourself, so I'll give you an example, like somebody comes up to me and they say, oh, I thought that you were going to be an engineer, and I find myself going, I was going to be an engineer, wasn't I? I wonder what would happen. And then you catch yourself and you're like, okay, wait a minute. 54321. No, I'm not going to be an engineer. I'm going to be a writer.
It makes a lot more sense, too, if you put it in practical terms. Like another example. I quit drinking soda Dr. Pepper a couple of years ago, and I had this habit for most of my life. And a couple of years ago, I was like, you know what? I'm not going to drink it anymore. And every once in a while, I fall back into that same habit. It's like I just get the urge to drink one, and then I find myself just wanting to continue. And so recently, I've fallen back into the habit of drinking Dr. Pepper. I know that a large part of it is just addiction, but it's like I find myself thinking, I could really use a Doctor Pepper right now, and it's like, in that moment, you have to say, Hold on, like, 54321. No, I'm not going to do that. I'm going to make a different decision to drink water and be healthier, even though it doesn't taste as good. So that's part of the process, the five-second rule. It works really good. I know it sounds kind of goofy, but I'm telling you, it definitely works.
Some other things that really help are spending some time in self-care. I like to spend quiet time. A lot of people like yoga and meditation, any form of exercise will really work anytime that you have by yourself, where you can just be alone with your thoughts and say, okay, now I have some time to separate what other people think from what I'm thinking and to actually think about what I really want. It helps me as well to be able to write it down. So if you don't have a Journal, I really suggest that you get one because it seems to me like I sort out my thoughts as I write them down.
So here's what you should do. What do you want to do? Like I said, I bet you already know. I bet there's something that your intuition has been telling you that this is what you should do. Maybe this is what you've wanted to do ever since you can remember or what you thought you weren't good enough for. I'm sure that you have some kind of dream or that your intuition is telling you this is how you can help people.
I just want to recap one more time that you can't pick the wrong thing. So I really want to encourage you to let go of that fear that you will pick the wrong thing because there really isn't a wrong thing. You can't pick the wrong thing. You may not always want to do what you pick. Maybe you have several options and none of them really sound perfect, right? Or you just can't see yourself doing this one thing that you want to do. If you're like me, you want to be a writer. You're like, well, how do I make money being a writer? I can't just quit my day job and be a writer, right?
But it's important for you to think about what you want and to not stress over the details at this point because there is a way to work it out. There is a way there are plenty of people who get paid just to write. You don't need to have all of the details worked out right now. I know that's scary because I'm like a detailed person. You just need to focus on the fact that there isn't a wrong thing to do, and that the first thing that you pick may not be the right thing, but that thing could lead you to the right thing. It won't be a waste of time. What serves you right now may not be the thing that you're doing in ten years or 20 years or 30 years, and that's totally fine. It might be just the thing that you do for this year or next year.
You should also focus on letting go of your fear of change. I have a love-hate relationship with change because it seems like it's something that I'm afraid of. But then there comes a time where I'm just itching for something to change. So I would encourage you to start thinking about that and realize that the thing that you picked today, it doesn't have to be a forever thing. It can just be a right now thing.
So I want to ask you, what do you think is holding you back? There's this quote from Cathy Heller that I absolutely love. She says, “we live the lives that we're willing to tolerate.” That resonates with me so much, because, for one, it helps me to realize that I'm in control. There isn't some outside force that's controlling what's happening to me. I can make a change if I want to make a change. It's also kind of scary because it puts a lot of the responsibility on me and the choices that I'm making for my life.
So if I want to change, I have to make the change, I can't just wait for something else to change, right? If I want to change, I have to make the change. And that's kind of scary. It brings up a lot of fear. I'm sure you have a lot of fears as well. The same fears that I have, which is that you'll fail. You want to start your own business? What happens if it doesn't work out? What if I tell everybody that I'm going to start my own business? Like I told everybody that I was going to be an engineer and then it doesn't work? I'll be really embarrassed.
Or what if I'm just not good enough? Who am I to be a writer? Who am I to start my own business? Who am I to do this other thing that I want to do? And what if I don't have enough? Enough time? Enough money? What if I don't know enough? What if I say something that's not quite right? And people laugh at me? That's really scary. Putting yourself out there is sometimes it can be horrifying.
A lot of this fear shows up as planning mode, right? We talked a little bit about this. If I plan it perfectly, I won't have to make any mistakes. Or it could be indecision because you're just not sure which way to go. Maybe you just feel completely lost, like you don't have any options or totally stuck. My favorite form of fear is procrastination. I'll just delay the decision. I don't have to worry about it right now. I told you that I studied a bunch of different things in College, and I ended up spending ten years in College. So I'm very good at delaying the decision and procrastinating.
But the thing about fear is that the more that you avoid it, the stronger it gets. So what if you fail? What if I fail? What if I'm not a very good writer? I failed at being an engineer, right? What if I get rejected? What if nobody wants to read what I write? What if this thing that I do doesn't work? What if I don't have all of the answers? And my question to you is. So what if you fail? What if you don't have all the answers? Most people don't have all the answers. You're probably not going to die. You may feel like you're going to die. If you're stepping out there and doing something that's totally new and foreign to you, you might feel pretty bad, but you're probably not going to die.
The thing about excuses is that they become dirty words really, really fast. They become dirty words really, really fast. Right? I don't have enough time. I don't have enough money. I don't know what I'm doing, and then they become a part of your subconscious autopilot where you start to believe them without even thinking them. So you don't even think about doing something new because you just realize it's never going to work.
So you start to believe them without even thinking about them, which is the worst possible thing that you can do. One of the reasons that I wanted to be an engineer was because I thought that engineers were really smart. So if I could finish school with an engineering degree, I would be really smart. And one of the things that I hate the most is when people treat me like I'm stupid.
I used to take a lot of pride in being super smart, right? And I would tell people, well, I'm studying engineering anytime they treat me like I was stupid. I've spent ten years in college because I wanted them to think that I'm super smart. But I realized that smart people have this tendency to think themselves out of doing things, which is one of my big problems. It has been for the longest time. It's the nonsmart people that are more willing to take chances because they don't really think about things that much. They just go do them.
I saw an example of this on Facebook this morning that I actually sent to one of my friends. There's somebody that's in a mentoring group that I'm a part of who posted something about. They just learned how to schedule something to be posted on Instagram. And I'm looking at it. And it's like this guy who had this really big revelation about how great it was and what a big time saver it was. And I'm looking at it going, I've known how to do that for years. And this guy owns, like, this huge business where he makes over a million dollars a year, and I'm just looking at it in awe, going, Wait a minute. I don't make that kind of money. I'm smarter than he is. Why don't I make the same kind of money that he does? Because I know how to use Instagram better than he does. And I'll tell you right now, this is the answer because I might be smarter on some levels, especially about Instagram than he was, but he's out there doing things while I'm sitting here thinking about them, right? That's the difference.
So I hope that you see the lesson in this, which is like instead of sitting around planning what you want to do or what you think you should do, the best thing that you can do is just go do those things and see what happens. That's the approach that I've taken the last couple of years, and I've learned so much from it.
Let your fear guide you
The great thing about fear is that when you recognize it and you use it correctly is that instead of being a hindrance for you, it will actually be a guide for you. It'll tell you exactly what you should do. I use fear as a guide because I know that when I come up with an idea, something that I want to do, and it's equally as exciting and terrifying, I know it's something that I have to do. All of the really big things that I've done, like moving across the country and starting my own business. They've been equally as exciting and terrifying for me. So I know I have to do them. I know that I'm on the right track.
So the best thing that I can tell you when fear comes up is to accept that you're afraid. A lot of times we don't even want to admit that we're afraid. But when we accept that that fear is there and we acknowledge it, then we can use it as a compass, and it works out so much better that way if you change the conversation around fear instead of focusing on being afraid, being this thing that you want to do, being difficult and scary.
If you reframe those thoughts and remember that most of the things that you want to do, they're not life-threatening. Writing a book is not life-threatening. It's scary for me when I want to show it to somebody and say, hey, what do you think about this? But it's not life-threatening. Me wanting to do a Facebook Live or an Instagram Live video is terrifying. I will admit that there are a lot of things that can go wrong, but it's not life-threatening, right? You'll get past it.
Don't be reasonable
When you focus on the fact that there are no mistakes, there are only lessons you can get through it. And for me, the pain of regret is so much worse than the pain of failure, so much worse. I really want to encourage you to give yourself that permission to dream without being afraid without editing your dreams. Right? Don't be reasonable. Think about what you really, really want. If you set aside all your fears, about money, about expectations, about what you should do and think about what you really, really want. That's what you should do.
Your why
And the next piece is so important as well, which is finding your why what gets you fired up? What gets you motivated? For me, it's helping people. I want so much to help people to know that the work that I do is meaningful, that it makes a difference in their lives, and that people send me messages that say, thank you. I so much appreciate what you're doing. It's changed my life. There's nothing better for me than knowing that that's the thing that I've been missing in so many of the jobs that I've had. It didn't matter - the job that I did. And now I know that the work that I do matters to people. And every time I feel like I want to quit, I go back to that. And I know that there are people out there that I'm making a difference for, and that helps me stay on track.
So I'm going to read you this quote from Cathy Heller, another one that makes this huge difference, right?
“What separates those who do something meaningful and inspiring with their lives is fear. Those who can push through the fear and do what they want to do regardless of the fear are those who make it. Those who aren't able to do this get stuck in fear and never make any progress. But a breakthrough comes in the moment that you decide, you're going to do something that you've never done before. You're ready to enter uncharted territory. What it takes is a definitive decision that you're committed to.”
That's all that you need, a decision that you're committed to. So the best way that you can get to that decision, the best way that you can get clarity around that decision is to do something. Just take action. Whatever the little voice in your head is telling you to do whatever your intuition is saying, you should do this thing. You need to listen to it. You need to take action on that thing today, not tomorrow. Don't make a plan. Don't put it off. Take action on it today.
So many people hesitate. And when you hesitate and you take really small steps, you get stuck, right? You feel like what you want to create is mediocre, and you do one thing, and it doesn't go well. And then you feel like you failed, and you're like, Nope, I'm not going to do that anymore. I don't want to be a failure.
I have that problem, too. I get stuck in those little small steps. But what I've realized is that you have to take responsibility for what happens to you. I have to take responsibility for what happens to me, too. It's those times when I put myself out there and take massive action, those are the things that mean the most. Those are the times where I make the most progress, right? It's completely up to me. It's completely up to the decisions that I make. When you take that responsibility on yourself instead of saying, oh, I have bad luck or the universe just hates me right now. When you say those kinds of things, you're taking all of the power away from yourself, because if you say, oh, I have bad luck, how do you change your luck? Right. But if you say no, it's my responsibility. Then you can change what you're doing so that you take the responsibility and the action that you take it's up to you. You can change things if you want to change them.
You're also never going to be 100% certain of the steps that you take as an INFJ. I have this huge perfectionist thing going where I want to know what's going to happen. I want a solid plan, and I want to be really sure that I'm going in the right direction, right? But this is where we get stuck. You're never going to be 100% sure. So you just have to take action, even if you feel like it's absolutely the wrong thing to do, as long as you're taking action, that's all that matters. You're moving in the right direction because maybe this thing that you're doing isn't the right thing, but maybe it'll lead you to the right thing, and you're never going to be sure. You're never going to feel 100% certain. But you have to keep going anyway.
When I started my podcast, my podcast now has over 100,000 downloads. I think it's actually a year today that it came out because I think it was September 9 for some reason. But, yeah, it has well over 100,000 downloads now. And when I started it, I was like, I don't really know what I'm doing. I don't like listening to the sound of my own voice. I don't know why I have this feeling that I should start a podcast because it sounds kind of goofy and it's not really me.
And I don't really know who. I don't know who I'm going to interview. I don't really know what to talk about. I had to learn all about audio editing, which I didn't really have that much experience in. And I was terrified. And the first episode took me hours and hours and hours to record and, like, three times as long to edit. And I was just so frustrated with it that I was like, okay, it's just going out there. And I was scared. The episode is terribly messy. I was positive it was the wrong thing to do, but I didn't know what else to do, so I'm like, okay, I'm just going to put it out there.
And even now, even though I've interviewed people like Evan Carmichael, I interviewed a well-known psychologist. The first episode that I did that I thought was so terrible is one of the most downloaded episodes that I have. It's like, second behind Evan Carmichael. I think so. Even though I thought it was awful and terrible, and I felt like it was the wrong thing to do, everybody loved it. People still listen to it.
So like I said, it's totally fine to just take action, even if you feel like it's messy and wrong, you're going to learn from it, and it's going to lead you to the right thing. You'll learn as you go. Yeah, you'll figure it out as you go. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you're taking action. That's really what matters.
A good way to get a visualization on what you should do to make sure that you're making progress is to have a vision board, a lot of people journal, which I suggest that you do. Some people hang things up on their wall, some people save pictures to their phone. I have several boards on Pinterest because I spend a lot of time on Pinterest, but it helps me a lot to have a visualization of things that I want to accomplish and to keep that in front of me.
It's also important that you do something every single day, that you make this thing that you want to do a habit. With my podcast and with my blog - when I started my blog, I knew that if I wanted to keep going, I had to make it a part of my life. So the way that I did that was to make it a weekly thing. My podcast comes out every single week, so I know every week I need to record a new episode. I write on my blog every single week so that I have that habit of doing it.
We talked before about knowing “your why.” There are going to be times when this thing that you want to do gets really hard, and it's important that you know the reason that you're doing this. My why is because I want to help people. So every time it gets hard, I go back to that and I say this is why I'm doing it, and this is what's going to help me to keep going. If I can just help one person, then all the work that I'm putting into this is worth it. And it's important.
In order to make your purpose a habit in your life, there are things that you can do that will make it a lot easier. So if you make it visible, something that you can see. For me - when I was just starting out writing my blog, I would leave a blog tab open on my computer. I have a bunch of tabs in my Chrome browser, so I look at them and I leave them open as a reminder of I need to do that thing, and I don't like to have a bunch of them open. So when I have a bunch of them open, I know there's a reason and I need to go back to it and make sure that I get it done right.
The next thing is to make it attractive, make it something fun that you like to do. Sometimes it helps to buy a new toy. I always felt more motivated to write my blog when right after I built a new website or when I bought a new computer, I bought a new keyboard for my iPad, and I wanted to play with the keyboard. And the best way to do that was to write a blog post. It's also important that you make it easy. So when you first start out writing your blog, I would keep it to about 700 words because it's so much easier to write 700 words than it is to write a whole book, right? It's easier to sit down and say, okay, I have 500 words, and that's good enough. I don't need 5000 today. I just need 500.
And the next thing is to make it satisfying. Make it something that you can check off of your list. I love making lists, and I love checking things off. So that's how I make things satisfying and make it just hard enough that you feel challenged, but easy enough that you're still going to do it. Like I said, stick to, like, 500 to 700 words because that's about a page a little bit more than a page on your computer, and you'll feel like you can get there. But it's going to be challenging to get started writing at first, right?
And then find a way to measure your success. However you measure your progress, I suggest that you measure it in whether or not you wrote the blog post, because if you start measuring it in who reads the blog post, you might get discouraged. So find a good way to measure it that makes sense for you.
Making your purpose a habit will really change your life. That's why I encourage you to do that, because I know that it works because it's changed my life. And something that started as a hobby for me took on this whole different meaning.
You deserve to have a purpose
Now I know that you're here because you've been accepting so much less in your life than what you deserve. And I know that you deserve better. You deserve to have a purpose. You deserve to know what it is, right? You deserve to look in the mirror and be proud of what you see, knowing that you're serving your purpose, that you're doing everything that you can. You deserve to feel happiness because you're doing meaningful work that touches people all the time. It's the most amazing feeling when you do that you deserve to have an amazing job or a business where you're treated really, really well where you're treated with respect and fairness, and you're praised for your work and your accomplishments because your work really makes a difference in people's lives.
You don't want to hide from your life for your whole life, right? What happens for most of us is that we get stuck on one of the steps that we talked about, and we start comparing ourselves to other people, and we spiral down this hole in despair again and again because it's what we're used to it's what we've always done, right? Because change is hard and doing something new is really, really frightening. Putting yourself out there can be so difficult when you go through this process alone.
It's really easy to get stuck in analysis or to feel too overwhelmed to continue and then to just not know what the next step is, and to just stop. As someone who's been actively trying to lose weight for more than ten years, I can tell you that it's really hard to do something really big in your life alone. As somebody who struggled for more than 30 years to find their purpose. I can tell you that it's really hard to do it alone, but it's really amazing when you know someone who's going through the same thing that you're going through or who has already gone through that process, they've been there, they know what you're going through and they're able to say, okay, this is what you need to do. Focus on this. And don't worry about this. And they're also that person where you can call them and say, hey, I just need an encouraging word today. I just need to know that I can keep going.
It's also amazing when you have somebody who's the same personality type that you are because they can relate to you in a way that nobody else can. They know exactly what you're going through and they can understand that whole process right from the start. It's amazing what happens when you're surrounded by other people who are on the same journey. You can share the whole process with them and, you know their experience is the same and they can relate to you, and you don't have to worry about being judged. You don't have to worry about sharing the struggles that you're going through because you know that you're all the same.
There's so many times where I look back and see what I was going through, where I was going down a path that made my journey a whole lot longer than what it could have been. I see where it could have shortened it in several different ways, but you can only see that in hindsight, right? You can only see that actually after you've gotten to your destination. And there are a lot of times where I was looking for purpose and meaning in all the wrong places, and I didn't even know where to start, and I just felt stuck. There are things that it took me almost 35 years to figure out that now I teach people how to do them so they don't have to struggle the same way that I did any way that I can make their journey shorter. I'm willing to do. I want to see them succeed. I want to see you succeed, and I want to help you get to that purposeful and meaningful life as fast as you can.
There are steps that you can take to get to and through each one of the stages that we talked about, steps that I've spoken to a lot of people about, and we've all been through the same thing and experienced it the same way. We don't all have the same path. We don't all have the same story, but we all have a very similar journey, right? We're all unique. But there's a consistent step-by-step process to get you through this feeling of thinking that you don't have a purpose to knowing that you know what your purpose is and your life is full of meaning. And you know exactly why you were put on this Earth and what you need to do and what your next step is. It doesn't have to be this way. I don't want you to spin your wheels for years. I want you to know what actually works.
That's why I did this master class, and that's why I write my blog and do my podcast. But I have more for you. I have more to share with you and way more information to give you. What if there was a way to make this difficult process a whole lot easier? What if there was a way to take these steps and break them down into doable easy tasks that you know you can complete and to really understand that you are on the right path and that you're doing the right things in the right order that will get you to that place of purpose that you're really, really longing for? How do you get Crystal clear on what your purpose is? How do you stop sabotaging your efforts to make these changes? How do you even know what changes to start making? How do you keep going through this process even when it gets really, really hard?
I'm really excited to share with you this course that I've created. It's called the Purpose and Action Accelerator Course. I've created this program just for you to help women find purpose and meaning to start showing up for themselves and putting themselves out there on the same level that we show up for everybody else. I want to show you how to make this change in your life because I get it. I've been through this process myself, and I've shared my journey with everyone who will listen. I've helped so many people, and I want to be able to help you, too. So that's exactly why I created this course. Exactly for you. It's an eight-week program, and like I said, it's called the Purpose and Action Accelerator Course. And you guys, I'm so excited about it. The last time I launched it, we had an amazing group of ladies, and I just can't wait for the next go round. I've been planning this for a while, and I'm so excited for this time. So here's what's in the program. You get eight self-paced modules that have the exact steps that you need to get clarity on your purpose and to put it into action.
It's all about implementation. There's a little bit of information, but most of it is implementation because I want you to take action right away. So here's what you'll get. You'll get a clear action plan to look in the mirror every single day and be excited to get to work, to be happy, knowing that your life is full of meaning, to know that you deserve to be in a career that you love and to know that you deserve all the things that you want, the wonderful, amazing family, wonderful husband, friends that you absolutely adore and who adore you as well. A great job or owning your own business, a nice car, a nice house, money in the bank, and most of all, that meaning and purpose that you're looking for. It can happen, I promise you. And I want to teach you exactly how to make it happen. You're also going to get clarity on the direction that you need to take to find that purpose in your soul. This is so key and so essential. It's there. You weren't born without it, I promise you, it's not permanently missing. You just misplaced it for a little while. But I want to help you find it and bring it right back to the front.
So you know exactly where it is and what to do. You're going to get a strategy so that you can build new habits that support your desire to live a purposeful life. We really want to dial in that strategy. So you're consistently building your habits to support your goal of meaning in your life. It's not an end game, right? There is no destination. It takes consistent, everyday efforts to make these changes, and I want to show you how to do it and how to build these habits in a way that you can maintain them, and that feels right for you.
You'll also get a tactical step-by-step process to feeling confident every single morning when you jump out of bed. This is so important for me because I'm not really a morning person, and usually it takes Starbucks to get me out of bed. It was really a change for me when I was excited to do the work that I was doing rather than groaning, getting out of bed, thinking about this horrible job that I didn't want to go back to, you're also going to get a renewed sense of courage and purpose because this is what we need, right? We want to feel alive and driven and excited. We want to feel like our dreams can come true, and I want you to be that person that you've been dreaming about being.
I want you to know that it is possible you can live that life that you think about and you dream about and we can make it happen for you. So this is for you. If you know that you don't have enough purpose in your life, but you don't know where to get it. It's also for you if you feel like your lack of meaning is holding you back in your life, but you don't know how to start changing that. It's also for you if you know that you want to help others, but you don't know the steps that you need to take to do that.
So this is the part where we get to the butts and the what ifs, right? What if I'm not ready? What if I don't have enough time? What if I don't have enough energy or what if I can't actually make those changes? First of all, if you wait until you're ready, you'll be waiting for the rest of your life. You know that's true. You're never going to be 100% ready. Also, we make time for the things that are important to us, right? How important are the things that you really want to do? How important are those things that you feel like you can't do because the lack of purpose is holding you back in your life. And I know that energy is important, right? I know that it's especially true for us as introverts. But I also know that being around a group of people who have the same goals and desires that you do is very energizing and very motivating.
That's exactly what you need to get the right energy flowing and to get going on the right track, because this course is self-paced. You can put as much time and energy into it as you want. You can go through the course how you want when you have time and you can show up for the calls and participate if you want to, or you can just watch them later. If that suits you better, you'll have access to me after the calls, too, so you can ask questions and get any clarity that anything that you need.
I want you to know that there are people out there who have been where you are. I'm one of them. They felt the same way that you do right now, and they've gotten to the other side of it. They have the things that you want to have. They have a career that they love, and they're helping people every single day. They have that sense of meaning and purpose in their life. They wake up every single morning happy to be alive and they love their jobs. They aren't afraid to put themselves out there because they know that their work helps people in a real way, and they're not afraid to go after their dreams because they know that they can make a difference in this world. They love themselves enough not to take anything less.
So my question to you is, why can't you do the same thing? You can have this experience, too. It's absolutely possible. You can have all the things that you want, whether it's the same list of things that I want or whether it's a completely different list. You deserve to feel good about yourself and your career every single day. You deserve to be happy to do what you love and to be able to help others while you're doing it. We only get one life right. We only get so much time in this life to do the things that we want to do. So how are you going to spend that time?
I want you to think about what your life will look like a year from now. If nothing changes or three years from now, will you still be in that job that you hate? What will your relationships with your friends look like? What does your relationship with your spouse look like? What does your health look like? What experiences did you never get to have? Because you didn't think that you deserved them because you didn't love yourself enough to ask for them or to take that chance. What people will you never get to meet if you look at my life and the experiences that I've had in the last two years since I took action and had the courage to admit that I was wrong about my purpose and I needed to start over. But I wasn't born without a purpose. It was just buried somewhere and I needed to find it. I had the courage to reach out to someone who had been there and who had the answers and look what happened. My whole life has changed. I have this amazing business and I get to help people every single day. I can't imagine.
Where would I be if I hadn't have made that change? Now I want you to think about your life five years from now or ten years from now. What happens if nothing changes? What experiences would you never get to have because you didn't take a chance? What people would you never get to meet now? Think about the opposite. Imagine if you absolutely decided right now that you are worthy of living this life of purpose and meaning that you aren't going to keep accepting less for yourself because you're worthy of a purpose just for existing and that you do deserve better. Think about what your life would look like a year from now or three years from now. If you wake up every single day feeling good about yourself and your life and you're excited to get out of bed and go to work because you're passionate about your work and you know that it makes a difference in people's lives. You spend time with your amazing friends and you adore them because they lift you up and encourage you every time you talk to them and you know that you're able to do the same thing for them too.
Think about five years from now or ten years from now. Think about when you're on your deathbed. I know a lot of us have faced this fear recently. We've at least thought about it for sure have you made the right decisions in your life? Do you have any regrets? How would it change? How would your life change if you start to take action right now? If you start to want things again, if you start to believe that you deserve those things, I believe that you can have them and you start to feel like you can make a difference in people's lives and the world. How much could change in your life? Will you spend the rest of your life being miserable? You don't have to. You don't have to be miserable even for one more day. And you don't have to search through the dark to find the answer either.
You deserve this. You deserve so much more. You deserve to be happy to show your kids that it's okay to be happy and to put yourself out there. You have a special gift to share with the world. You are made this way for a very special reason, and you deserve to live your life to the fullest every single day. It will make such a huge difference. It's 100% possible. I know that feeling of thinking. It's possible for everyone else, but not for me. And I'm telling you right now, I've been there, but I assure you that it is possible a year from now, your life could be completely different if you just have the courage to take that first step.
All right. So here's the best part of this master class. I promised you a bonus, and now it's finally time for that bonus. If you enroll in the Purpose and Action course by December 1 of 2021, you will get 75% off the program price. This course is usually sold for $597, but if you enroll in it by Wednesday, December 1, you will get it for just under $150.
This is a massive discount that I have never offered before, but I really feel like the information in this course is so incredibly important that I want to share it with as many people as possible. And I know that there are so many people, especially this time of year, that are struggling with their finances. And I know that there are a lot of people over the last couple of years who have been off of work or out of work, and it just doesn't feel right to me to charge full price for it right now. I really feel called to help as many people as I possibly can, and so many people ask me about finding your purpose. And I know that when I found my purpose, it really changed my life. So I want to help you do the same thing. And I'm absolutely positive that this course will do that for you. So make sure that you go enrolling it right now. There's a link for it: https://infjwoman.thinkific.com/courses/purpose-action.
Make sure that when you enroll, you use the coupon code purpose2021. When you use that coupon code, you will get the price down to, which is just under $150. But like I said, you have to move now because the discount will end December 1 of 2021. So go check it out right now.
Q&A
So let's get to the Q and A section of the show I promised you. I said I was going to come up with a name for it, and I haven't yet. So if you have any suggestions, let me know. You can send me an email or you can send me a direct message on Instagram as well, which is at infjwoman. All right, here's the Q and a Hi there. Welcome to the Q and A for the Quiet One's podcast. We're going to be doing this every single week on Tuesdays at 12:00 p.m.. Eastern time on my Instagram on Instagram Live. So make sure that you join me there. All right. So I have a few questions here.
What do you think about high sensitivity and being an INFJ?
I don't know if all INFJs are highly sensitive. I know that I am for sure. For me. There's a lot of things that irritate me or that bother me. Noise is one of the big ones, especially little noises. I seem to notice things like the clock ticking. If you have one of those clocks that ticks, I can't stand that it irritates me. Even though it's such a small noise, it really irritates me. I seem to be able to hear those types of noises, like whistling. I have asthma that's, like, really bad asthma. And when it gets really bad, sometimes I weave and it's like this whistling sound that comes. I guess it comes from my throat, but I can hear it every time I breathe, like when I breathe in and out, and it just drives me insane. Really, anything like that. That's just high-pitched noises that's really bad.
Another thing that's bad is like being in a crowd of people because there's just so much happening and so much information that you're taking in anywhere that there's a lot of lights. I've been to Las Vegas a couple of times. It's like, massively overwhelming because there's just so much going on. There's so much lights, flashing lights. And every time you walk through the casinos because everything in Las Vegas is like in a casino where you have to walk through the casino to get to it. Right. So everything has a flashing light on it. All of the slot machines or games that they have, they all make a different dinging noise. And so it's just like, torture for people who are highly sensitive. And the last time I was there, it was probably like, 2016. I think they were still letting people smoke in the casinos, too. So if the lights weren't bad enough and the noise wasn't bad enough and the smell was horrifying. So, yeah, any of that kind of stuff.
Some people, when they talk the way that they talk or, like the pitch of their voice. It's more than irritating. It's like almost like fingernails on a chalkboard. That's kind of how I think about it. Another thing is like exposure to that kind of stuff. I have to take it in small spaces of time. I guess you would say I can spend a couple of hours, like shopping or going to a concert or anything where there's, like, a bunch of people and a lot of stuff going on a couple of hours. I'm fine when it starts getting to be like three or 4 hours or anything. More than that. I'm like, done. I need a break. I need peace and quiet. I'm trying to think of some other things, even just like the TV. I like to watch TV, but I don't like the volume turned up too loud. I like it to be more quiet, like just loud enough that you can hear it, but not so much that it's, like overwhelming.
How much does being an INFJ play a role in your daily life?
I think it plays a lot of roles because I think that when you understand your personality, then you'll understand so much about yourself. It plays a role in how you organize your life, how you make decisions, how you communicate with other people. I've been diving into learning even more about myself and trying to be more honest with myself. It plays so much of a role in the interactions that I have with other people. And then my responses to other people, too.
I noticed recently that this is really hard for me to admit, actually, but I noticed recently that I can be very explosive when I respond to people. And really what happens is I'm like, go with the flow, nonchalant. Just keep the peace forever for a long time, like a year, two years doesn't matter how irritating the person is. It doesn't matter how I really feel. I'm just like, keep the peace. Everything's fine. But then it takes all that time, like things aren't fine. It's just that I would rather keep the peace. And so after all of that time, then it comes out that things aren't fine. And usually when it comes out, it's like an explosion of, like, I've been nice. And now I'm done being nice.
And that's been a huge revelation for me and a difficult thing to admit to myself, let alone to other people. But I'm all about naming your feelings and recognizing what's going on because you can't make progress. You can't move forward until you see what's going on and you're honest with yourself about what's happening. So I think that your personality type does play a huge role in your life. I don't really like the whole label thing because I don't think that people should be defined by labels, but I think that it's important to understand yourself for sure.
All right. That's all we have for today. Thank you so much for listening. I appreciate every single one of you and make sure that you tune in on Thursday. We'll have a second episode of The Quiet Ones available on Thursday, so I will see you then.